I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
