does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
