oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
