he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
