It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
