Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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