Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize