Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
NoShamevember. You game?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
