I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just had sex bonerless
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
