this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
