Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
