highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
