Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize