worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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