I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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