He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
