OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
