life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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