apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
