So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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