called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
