your room smells of hookers.
And success
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
