Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
