Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
