need another drink. this is the easiest way
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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