I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
