I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
