the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
