its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
