I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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