matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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