i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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