We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
