You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
