We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
