I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
