no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I supernannyed him into submission
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He did a backflip because drugs
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