i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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