it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize