Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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