things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
