my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
