thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have aggressive nipples.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
