Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
