that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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