I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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