just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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