I have demons in me.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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