i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
