but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
