She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize