We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
