Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
