Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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