i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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