Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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