I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
