Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
