did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
