Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
