she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
