You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize