Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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