Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
