You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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